Monthly Archives: November 2008

Walmart Worker Trampled in Black Friday Stampede

This is beyond awful.

The NY Daily News reports that an overnight maintenance worker was trampled while trying to hold back Black Friday crowds early this morning.

At the same store, a pregnant woman was knocked over and apparently had a miscarriage as a result. So many people, so little compassion…

Let’s keep in mind what really matters this holiday season. Our humanity is far more important than sales.


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Facebook: People You May Know

Oh Facebook, there are many things that could be said. Today I’d like to focus on the “People You May Know” function.

(thanks to for the visual)
(thanks to for the visual)

For those of you who somehow haven’t found your way on to “the book” yet, upon log in, there’s a little box on the front page that suggests people you may know. Where they get this list of suggestions from, I do not know. Some are obvious, “You and Dan went to college together.” Others don’t give hints. What’s funny to me is when friends mention folks who pop up in their boxes that don’t pop up in mine– yes, you know you have offline convos about fb as well.

Sometimes, you’re right, Facebook. I do know Dan. but what you may not know, is that Dan is a douche bag. And there is no “I don’t want to be friends with Dan because he’s a douche bag” option.

Recently, they added a little X next to the person in question in case you want to skip them and go to the next person, but there’s no option for “Yes, I do know Catie but she stole my favorite pen in 3rd grade and I’m still not over it.” You can also view all of the people you may know, and each time you X someone out another person pops up… no details as to if this person is then eliminated from the pool indefinitely or not though.

In the end, I guess you’re right, Facebook; sometimes I do know the person you’re suggesting. I just think your little system could be more effective if there was a way to verify that while you’re right (we know how you get your kicks, Zuckerberg), I’d like you to stop suggesting that I friend childhood rivals and my high school cheer squad.

Thanks, FB! And for better or for worse, I’m sure this small pet peeve will in no way inhibit me from spending countless hours meandering about your site. You win, indeed.


Filed under Comedy, Culture

Instant Self Esteem Booster: Lone Voyage to Home Depot

I hate going to Home Depot alone. Not because I don’t know where anything is half the time, but because of the men there that know this and wait for me to look confused. Often, they’re not employees; these are rogue operators. They’re the men that loiter around, waiting with their trusty prop in hand… generally something simple but slightly edgy… maybe something they know you’ll easily recognize and still regard as manly like a staple gun, nail gun or other home improvement-related piece of weaponry. They hang around reading product labels, just waiting for the right time to strike.

Ready and waiting

Having encountered this before, I had since decided that this is one store in which a cellphone is most appreciated. Not only can you call and ask a friend for an opinion (today I asked my dad about interior paint), but it’s a good safety zone. I had multiple things to purchase and thought I was ready for the storm. Cellphone in hand, digits dialed. Voicemail. Surely there are more people to dial… but I’ve unknowingly already entered the Depot suitor’s sights.

It begins innocently enough, “Painting?”

“That I am.”

“What are you painting?”

“Just one room.” Not gonna start a convo about my bedroom, mind you. Walking walking walking.

“Have you painted before?”


“Yeah, I just started painting about 2 years ago. Ya gonna paint the ceiling, too?”

“Nope, just the walls.”

Takes a look at my swatch. “That’s a nice color. I like the light green one.”

“Yeah, I’m probably gonna go with that one.” Keep walking.

“Well, I think that you should because you won’t have to worry about accessories.”

“Uh huh.” Officially trapped. And by a line that doesn’t even entirely make sense!

“I like to think that I’m a pretty sharp dresser, so I know what goes. (NOTE: He was wearing a collared shirt… underneath a sweatshirt.) See like with this one,” steps closer to reference the card, “you could use other greens… you could use black, even brown. You could use a lot of things and you won’t have to worry so much about the other things. Ya know?”

“Yes, I could… thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Awkward linger.

Walkawaywalkawaywalkaway. “Okay, thanks!”

Never fail. It’s not that they’re all necessarily creepy– it’s just kind of oddly predictable, and if you’re not in a light-hearted, social mood, it’s just a bad place to be. Never mind the frozen food section at your local grocer’s freezer– this is where the dudes are at. The 30+, denim-wearing, tool belt toting ones at least. I’m serious, ladies. Try it out. It may be more of the Jeff Foxworthy crowd than foxy crowd, but either way, you’ll feel like you bathed in pheromones. Home Depot is full of dudes just waiting to be your knight in shining armor. And hey, sometimes they’re even genuinely helpful. Bonus points for your self esteem boosting adventure!

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I did indeed end up going with the lighter green, but only because of a random dye issue… and ya know, because it can go with other greens and black and brown and stuff, too.

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Jesus Will Survive… Disco… Kind Of

Ohhh YouTube, the things you do…

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An Interesting Notion

Specifically for those of us who are often too hard on ourselves:
The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong.
-C. G. Jung

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The $233.95 Spider

Can I Have My Spider Back?

(Thanks for the share, Rachel.)

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A Slanket, You Say?

I found the perfect parting gift for Gov. Palin to take back to Alaska. Do you think they make it in moose?

Check out if you’re interested in blowing some dough. PS I love that this was created by a lazy college student with the help of his mom.

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