Monthly Archives: February 2009

Oh Hey, It’s National Condom Week

Ever get self conscious about purchasing condoms? Many do, but trust that this won’t happen to you:

What you will experience is the satisfaction of knowing that you’re being safe and respecting yourself and your partner. Used properly, condoms are 98% effective. Trojan will even send you some for free.

National Condom Week is Feb 14-21. Check out Planned Parenthood for more information, and be sure to stick with the old “no glove, no love.” Use one every time.

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Filed under Comedy, Culture, Current, Health

Parting is Such Sweet… Success?

So, let me get this straight. Someone finagled a way to get funded for studying how hair parts affect your career? Aaand meanwhile I’m unemployed because…

“How Hair Plays A ‘Part’ In Your Career”

You call yourself a career woman? With a right part? Cut the crap, Barbie.

Right part? Cut the crap, Barbie.

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What’s Wrong With This Picture?

It may not be what you think….

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Filed under Comedy, Culture, Entertainment

Facebook Gets Framed

Gone are the days of sticky tack and awkward oil spots on the walls; frames are where it’s at.

I’ve recently become a fan of framing photographs, and I’m gonna add my usage of them to the list of things that make me feel more like an adult. Frames can add a uniform appearance to a room and tie together memories. They can help you best display treasured moments and introduce your visitors to the people you love in life. Now, they can also appease our culture’s ever-enhancing ADD.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the convenience of digital photos, but I love that we’re so media obsessed these days that we can’t even commit to a single photograph to display. Nevermind swapping out our framed photos for new ones, that takes effort. Digital photo frames have been gaining popularity for a few years now, but heck, even a frame with shuffling pictures isn’t enough to quench our thirst for new media. Oh no no.

A company called eStArling has released a WiFi photo frame with -OMGLOL- facebook capabilities. It’s like a regular digital photo frame, but it can be synched with your facebook to display photos from you and your friends. It even has its own email address to send pictures to, and every few minutes, the photos are automatically updated. Oh, and did I mention that it costs nearly $450? Good grief.

I think if I had a friend with one of these, I’d constantly send them photos of me pointing and laughing at them. Think about it, anywhere they display it, I’m there to insult their behavior:

Kitchen: You’re really going to eat that? Or, you call that clean?

Living Room: Weekend at Bernie’s 2 again? Really?

Bathroom and bedroom go without say.

Go ahead friends, break that fourth wall. If you need a frame that decides your decorum for you, I look forward to mocking your other choices.

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He’s Just Not That Into You: Employment Edition

Thank you for your interest in the ——  position.  It was a difficult decision but the position has been filled.

Your résumé was impressive and you are a well-qualified candidate for the —— position.  You are a talented individual and have many of the quality character attributes that are needed in the position.  You will succeed in whatever endeavor you choose.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to hear back from a prospective employer in general considering that so many organizations will never even let you know if they received your information, but there’s nothing like generic motivation to start your day. Readers, you ARE special.

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You Tell Us, Josh!

Share alert! I stumbled upon a great website called heyjosh.com today and it’s definitely worth sacrificing some of your avid facebook stalking time to check it out.  Josh Shipp has been called the “Dear Abby” and “Dr. Phil” for teens., but his messages still ring true even if you aren’t new to pubic hair. Josh, abandoned and abused as a child, has made it his mission is to entertain, inspire and motivate teens to live their lives to the fullest. In short, this guy is upbeat, intelligent, motivating and downright fun to watch with his self-described Chia pet hair and charming wit. Here’s a sampling, definitely worth taking a look:

Oh, and if you check out Josh’s site, be sure to check out the post-it note on the bottom right. Each time you click on a new page, a new tip pops up. For example, #11 Debt is NOT your friend!  Debt wants to kick your puppy in the face. Nicely done.

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Filed under Comedy, Culture, Mental Health

A Late & Yet Surprisingly Efficient Start

Every time I wake up late, I amaze myself with the speed that I can get ready

I’m also annoyed that my body and mind seem incapable of harnessing these super speed readiness tricks every day.

You know the feeling. “Hmm…what time is it? …bwah???!!!!!!!”  This morning I had to babysit at 9, and in my overtired yet incapable of sleep mode the night before, I set my alarm for the wrong time. Awesome.

15 minutes. Ready to go. Granted, I skipped breakfast outside of some hot cocoa, but what? How is it that activities that usually take 40-50 minutes suddenly happen in a third of the time? Part of it is, of course, reliant on external time factors, such as needing to catch the train at a certain time and thus being forced to haul ass.  But what’s the deal? I’m definitely not a morning person, so you’d think that if I could sleep for an extra half hour, I’d be pretty good at speeding up the getting ready process. Nope! I instead zone out while brushing my teeth or need to get another drink or water before I’m out the door or don’t know what socks to wear. Ridiculous.

I feel as though this is a common phenomenon, no? Perhaps we should all start kidding ourselves and wake up late every day. Only then we’d actually be late. It’s like setting the clock ahead 10 minutes. You did it. You’re not fooling anyone… even yourself.

All the clocks in the world can't turn back time, buddy.

Oh, and in case you were wondering. I made it there on time. Minus the part where I went to the wrong house. So, that said, if you take out the part where I stood on someone else’s door step ringing the bell and knocking for 2 minutes, I’d say we’re good 🙂

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