Monthly Archives: March 2009

Is That a Vibrator?

Got $40 to throw around? Then check out Lancome’s new vibrating “infinate power” mascara. The brush handle features a vibrator that alledgely leads to “ultimate lash transformation” with the help of 7,000 oscillations per minute.

Personally, if I pay more than $6 for mascara I’m thinkin’ “Whoahhhh Nelly,” and I don’t even need the vibrations to get to that one.

Check it out for yourselves at Sephora. Oh, and while you’re there, definitely read some of the reviews. What, $40 mascara didn’t make your eyelashes grow longer, thicker and more volumnous but the vibrations madeĀ  you feel really awkward applying it? WELL SPENT.


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Filed under Comedy, Culture, Current

Super Crappy Break Up Line

Tons of information flows through my brain when I’m in the shower. If I have a problem, it’s a great time to think about how to fix it. If I’m having writer’s block, I get great ideas. Most recently, however, I instead thought of a terrible break up line that I hope no one ever uses:

“Listen, I think you’re a peach, but this relationship is pits!”

How awful is that? And why did it immediately make me think of 90210 and the Peach Pit?

I like my onion rings served with insensitivity.

I like my onion rings served with insensitivity.

There must be something in this city water, it’s true.

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Filed under Comedy